Jim, it sounds like you’re in a tough spot, and it’s understandable that you’re upset. This situation is definitely complicated, and it’s good that you’re thinking about how to handle it. Here’s my advice:

1. Acknowledge the other person’s perspective: Even if you didn’t intend to be racist, it’s important to acknowledge that the men in the car felt they were being racially profiled. Their experience is valid, even if you don’t agree with their interpretation of your actions. Try to see it from their point of view. They were sitting in a car, minding their own business, and you approached them with a “what are you guys doing here?” which, given the racial context, could easily be interpreted as suspicion based on their race.

2. Take responsibility for your actions: While you may not have meant it that way, your question, “What are you guys doing here?” combined with the fact that they were Black men in a parked car, created a situation where they felt targeted. It’s not about labeling yourself a racist, but about recognizing how your actions were perceived.

3. Consider mediation seriously: The fact that they’ve gone to the campus mediation center is actually a good opportunity. Mediation isn’t about deciding who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s a chance for both sides to explain their perspectives and understand how their actions affected the other person. It can be a powerful way to build understanding and potentially repair the relationship.

4. Focus on learning and growth: This is a learning experience. Think about how you could have handled the situation differently. Perhaps a simple “Is everything alright?” or even just leaving them alone would have been better. We all make mistakes, but the important thing is to learn from them.

5. Reflect on your own biases: We all have biases, even if we don’t realize it. This situation might be a good time to reflect on your own assumptions and how they might have influenced your actions. There are resources on campus that can help with this, like workshops on diversity and inclusion.

Why this is the best course of action:

• It promotes understanding: Acknowledging the other person’s perspective and participating in mediation can lead to greater understanding and empathy. This is essential for building a more inclusive community.
• It fosters personal growth: Reflecting on your own actions and biases is crucial for personal growth and development. It can help you become more aware of how your behavior might impact others.
• It offers a constructive solution: Mediation provides a structured way to address the situation and potentially repair the relationship between you and the other men.
• It aligns with university values: Most universities value diversity, inclusion, and respect for all members of the community. Taking the steps I’ve outlined demonstrates a commitment to these values.

It’s important to remember that this isn’t about being “right” or “wrong.” It’s about understanding, learning, and growing. I’m here to support you through this process.