Battling Couples
Movie/TV show: Grey's Anatomy, season 4, episode 15, "Losing My Mind"
Characters: Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd
Argument scene:
Meredith and Derek are arguing about Derek's decision to operate on a patient without Meredith's consent. Meredith is angry and feels betrayed.
Attending:
Meredith does not pay attention to Derek's messages during the argument. She interrupts him frequently and talks over him. She also makes a number of assumptions about his motives, which are not always accurate.
For example, when Derek says that he operated on the patient because he thought it was the right thing to do, Meredith assumes that he only operated on the patient to impress his boss. She does not listen to his explanation or try to understand his perspective.
Understanding:
Meredith also struggles to understand Derek's perspective. She is so caught up in her own anger and hurt that she is unable to see things from his point of view.
For example, Derek explains that he operated on the patient because he thought it was the best chance for the patient to survive. However, Meredith does not believe him. She instead assumes that he was only interested in getting ahead.
How effective was Meredith in attending to, understanding, and responding to Derek?
Meredith was not effective in attending to, understanding, and responding to Derek. She was too focused on her own anger and hurt to listen to his messages or to try to understand his perspective.
This led to a lot of unnecessary conflict and misunderstanding. If Meredith had been more effective in her listening skills, the argument could have been resolved more quickly and easily.
What Meredith could have done better:
Meredith could have done a number of things better to improve her listening skills. First, she could have paid more attention to what Derek was saying. She could have done this by making eye contact, nodding her head, and asking clarifying questions.
Second, Meredith could have tried to understand Derek's perspective. She could have done this by asking him how he felt about the situation and why he made the decision that he did.
Third, Meredith could have responded to Derek in a more respectful and understanding way. She could have avoided making assumptions about his motives and instead tried to see things from his point of view.
Conclusion:
Listening is an important skill in all relationships, but it is especially important in romantic relationships. By improving her listening skills, Meredith could have avoided a lot of conflict and misunderstanding in her relationship with Derek.