How you might improve the development of it

First, the paragraph is very general. It does not provide any specific examples of nursing homes that are "sad places" or where people are "treated badly." This makes the paragraph less persuasive and convincing. Second, the paragraph uses some negative and accusatory language, such as "ugly old buildings," "lonely and bored," and "treated badly." This language could alienate readers who may have had positive experiences with nursing homes or who have loved ones who live in nursing homes. Third, the paragraph does not offer any solutions to the problems it identifies. It simply states that "something better can't be done for older adults." This leaves the reader feeling hopeless and discouraged. Here are some suggestions for how to improve the development of the paragraph:

• Provide specific examples. Instead of making general statements about nursing homes, provide specific examples of nursing homes that have been cited for violations or where residents have been mistreated. This will make the paragraph more persuasive and convincing.
• Use more neutral language. Avoid using negative and accusatory language, such as "ugly old buildings," "lonely and bored," and "treated badly." Instead, use more neutral language, such as "older nursing homes," "socially isolated residents," and "allegations of abuse."
• Offer solutions. In addition to identifying the problems with nursing homes, the paragraph should also offer some solutions. For example, the paragraph could suggest ways to improve the quality of nursing homes, such as increasing staffing levels, improving training for staff, and increasing oversight by the government.

Here is an example of how the paragraph could be improved: Nursing homes are often criticized for being sad and depressing places. Residents in some nursing homes may be lonely and bored, and they may not receive the care and attention they need. This is a problem that needs to be addressed. There are a number of things that can be done to improve the quality of nursing homes. One important step is to increase staffing levels. This would allow staff to give residents more individual attention and care. Another important step is to improve training for staff. This would ensure that staff are knowledgeable about the latest best practices in nursing care. Finally, the government could increase oversight of nursing homes. This would help to ensure that nursing homes are meeting the needs of their residents. This revised paragraph is more specific and persuasive than the original paragraph. It also offers some solutions to the problems it identifies.  

Sample Solution