Stages of Relational De-Escalation and Communication Behaviors

Relationships don’t always stay on a positive trajectory. Here are the stages of relational de-escalation and how communication changes:

1. Circumscribing: Partners try to force the relationship to work through excessive communication or activities. Communication becomes strained and efforts to maintain the relationship become the focus. (Ex: “We need to go to couples therapy” or constantly planning getaways)

2. Stagnation: The relationship stalls, with a lack of communication and intimacy. Partners may avoid conflict or difficult conversations. (Ex: Silent meals, minimal conversation, emotional withdrawal)

3. De-intensification: Emotional investment and commitment wane. Communication becomes blunt, negative, or passive-aggressive. (Ex: Sarcasm, criticism, negativity bias)

4. Social Withdrawal: Partners withdraw from social activities together and may begin spending more time with separate friends or alone. Communication becomes minimal and transactional. (Ex: Separate vacations, avoiding social events together)

5. Avoiding: Partners actively avoid each other and communication becomes nonexistent. (Ex: Sleeping in separate beds, not answering calls)

6. Termination: The relationship formally ends. Communication may be a final goodbye or a complete absence of contact. (Ex: Breaking up conversation, moving out)

Social Exchange Theory & Relational Dialectics Theory for Predicting Relationship Future

Social Exchange Theory: This theory suggests people stay in relationships based on a cost-benefit analysis. If the rewards outweigh the costs, the relationship continues.

Relational Dialectics Theory: This theory proposes relationships navigate between three core dialectics: autonomy-connection, stability-change, and expression-privacy. Healthy relationships involve a balance between these opposing needs.

Combining these theories: By analyzing the costs-benefits (social exchange) and the ability to navigate the dialectics (relational dialectics), you can potentially predict a relationship’s future. For example, if costs outweigh benefits (social exchange) and the couple struggles to manage the dialectics, the relationship may be headed for trouble.

Important Note: These are just theories and don’t guarantee a specific outcome.

Types of Jealousy

Jealousy is a complex emotion involving fear of losing something you value. Here are three types:

1. Romantic Jealousy: Fear of losing a romantic partner to a rival. (Ex: Feeling threatened by a partner’s coworker they find attractive)
2. Possessive Jealousy: An extreme desire to control a partner and limit their interactions with others. (Ex: Forbidding a partner to see friends of the opposite sex)
3. Competitive Jealousy: Desire to achieve the success or status of another person. (Ex: Feeling envious of a friend’s promotion)

Phases of Duck’s Model of Ending Relationships

1. Intrapsychic Phase: Internal emotional turmoil as the person contemplates ending the relationship. (Ex: Questioning if the relationship is right)
2. Dyadic Phase: Sharing doubts and concerns with the partner, initiating conversations about the relationship’s status. (Ex: Having “the talk” about breaking up)
3. Social Phase: Informing family, friends, and social circles about the breakup. (Ex: Announcing the separation on social media)
4. Maturity Phase: Emotional processing and personal growth after the breakup. (Ex: Reflecting on the relationship and healing)
5. Gradual Peripheral Dissolution: Lingering ties or connections that may fade over time. (Ex: Occasional social media interaction with the ex)
6. Clean Break: A complete and definitive ending with no remaining emotional ties. (Ex: No contact of any kind)

Stages of Childhood Friendships

1. Initiation (Age 2-7): Early interactions based on proximity and shared activities. (Ex: Playing on the playground together)
2. One-Way Sharing (Age 4-7): Egocentric communication, sharing things without reciprocity. (Ex: One child showing a toy to another without expecting anything in return)
3. Two-Way Sharing (Age 5-8): Reciprocal sharing and communication begin to develop. (Ex: Taking turns playing with toys)
4. Intimacy and Mutuality (Age 8-11): Deeper emotional connection, trust, and loyalty develop. (Ex: Sharing secrets and confiding in each other)
5. Autonomy and Differentiation (Age 11 and up): Friendships become more complex as individual identities develop. (Ex: Maintaining friendships even if interests diverge)