illness, they are not in control of their brain processes and don’t choose to be that way. I have also developed a deep interest in psychology which I hope to pursue as a career. My relationship with my Dad has got exceedingly better due to educating myself about his illness and both of us communicating with one another about the impact that it has on us as a family.

I often wonder what effect or impact that this will have on my future intimate relationships. Statistically, people who have had an emotionally inconstant parent can have trust and intimacy issues later in life. Not feeling safe enough to trust or get close to people for fear that they then withdraw their affections can have a devastating effect on your self-worth. Maybe it would become easy and safer not to put myself in those positions of intimacy in order not to revisit those painful feelings and emotions. Do I really want to experience my relationships like that?

So my aim is to try to understand how the disorder impacts my dad and ultimately all of us and what effect it has on the way we relate to each other. To work on healing the broken bits of our relationship. I know the scars will always be there, but with education and understanding and lots of love they might fade and stop being so angry and sore.

I love my dad and I know he loves me with all his heart. It would be too easy just to blame him, but I don’t want to face a future of then blaming my dad for all the problems that might arise in my future relationships. This has been our experience and I am determined to take responsibility at this point to make sure that it doesn’t stop me living I deserve.