identifying with the imbued object, in this case the football and what it represents to him when considering the ‘evoked companion’ (Stern, 1985: 111). Putting the ball away seems to represent a loss, but he’s able to reconcile this, realising that the essence of what it stands for will continue even if it’s inside his bag.

Stern’s third stage is the sense of a subjective self that sees the infant developing needs, likes and dislikes and realising these experiences are sharable with others. This might be as simple as ‘I want you to give me that toy’ or, ‘I’m crying because my nappy is wet’. The quality of Mother’s interactions dictate whether or not the baby feels understood. Stern calls this “affect attunment” (1985: 138 – 139), meaning how the Mother lets her baby know that she is feeling something very similar to her child. This sharing of affective states is crucial. Imagine a baby smiling at his Mother but she is struggling with depression and finding it hard to “imitate the infant’s (happy) facial expressions and gestures, and the baby would see her doing this” (ibid.). If this lack of attunment was repeated over a period of time, one can see how the attitudes and psychological health of the mother can have a huge impact on the baby’s sense of self before he has even learnt to speak (ibid.).
The fourth stage is the discovery of language and the verbal self and with this domain comes a divide; as the infant learns to use words to disguise his true feelings and thoughts (Stern, 1985: 162-163). The older we get, the more this split deepens, as our thoughts take over and so much is left unsaid. This leads to so many of the conflicts we see in adult relationships. It’s important to keep this in mind when working therapeutically with children; giving consideration to all that is left unsaid. The infant taught that it’s not appropriate to share thoughts and feelings may feel the same way in therapy. By nurturing the child’s true self and what makes them unique we can offer them a safe space to express themselves, which maybe expressed through play.

Each domain of self; emergent, core, intersubjective and verbal is continued throughout life and keeping each stage in mind when working therapeutically with a child may help them find a “narrative point of origin” (Stern, 1985: 262). By this I mean that there is likely to be a link between what the client experiences in the present and the way they must have felt as an infant. We can theorise what sense of self has been affected and needs addressing. For instance an adolescent feeling like they are not understood may have its routes in “intersubjective relatedness” (1985: 27). Ultimately each phase is a “sensitive period” (1985: 273) for the infant and its crucial to remain attuned to their impact in life (1985: 256 – 264).

DONALD WINNICOTT